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| A neatnik would notice a problem here. |
Now, my classroom is not a disaster area, but it is not neat and tidy. On my desk: marker drawings kids have given me, worksheets I should have returned to the kids, professional articles I intend to read, a plastic peace symbol bracelet and jingle bells I took away from somebody. That's the first layer. I do have some organizational systems that work, but the piles and the junk still collect on my desk(s) and tables. A 3-hour cleaning spree is required to make it look, temporarily, like I am a tidy person. And my house is pretty much in the same sorry state of affairs.
One of my colleagues told me she is OCD---that's why she is so neat. One of the other magic wand cleaning teachers told me she has a special chore she does at home each day of the week (bathrooms on Saturdays), which seems to be taking it a bit far. Another colleague excused her tidiness by explaining, "I'm a neatnik."And I wondered, Why am I not one of those? Can I become that?
As an educator, I'm in the business of personal transformation. I'm of the mind that a person can often get better at something through passion and hard work. But secretly, when it comes to this neatnik thing, I'm not so sure. I'm imagining I have some genetic issue, or perhaps experienced a lack of neatnik modeling when I was young. But I think I want to overcome it. I really, truly want to change, I'm pretty sure. Is it too late for me? Or is it genetically out of the question, like waking up to naturally blond hair?
I don't mean I just want to change in a practical way. I don't mean the short-lived change brought about by reading a book called Finally Getting Organized, or resolving to make 2014 The Year I Get Organized, or following Alejandra Costello's How to Get Organized blog (which I do), or calling in a consultant to redo the closets. I am talking about a change of perception and will.
The change needs to happen at a deep level. I need to:
1. Notice. (Perceive.)
2. Care. (Be affected by said perception.)
3. Act. (Do something. Like picking it up and putting it back.)
Why? I want kids to feel calm in our classroom. And I want to feel calm in our house. And I want to be able to find stuff.
But it seems so hard and unnatural for me to be a neatnik.
Notes:
(1) Noticing is hard because I have trained myself to blaze on ahead to complete whatever mission I am on regardless of distractions, and then I'm on to the next mission without taking stock of my space or situation. Subconsciously, of course, the mess is noted. But a sock that has been on the floor of the dining room for a while begins to belong there somehow. Then when I slow down and notice, I am overwhelmed and pissed at myself for letting it go so far.
(2) Caring: I'm not sure I care as much as I should in the moment.
(3) Acting is hard, because when I get home I'm tired.
And you? Are you a neatnik? If so, were you born into it? Or did you become one?
I'm definitely not a neatnik. I do love it when things are organized and tidy (right before we have people over--haha!), but I'm afraid I don't love it enough to keep at it. I know we are not modeling things well for our kids, who, when prompted to help us clean, ask "who is coming over?"
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I've found a way to embrace our messiness by realizing that other things in life are more important. I think it's an issue of balance. I'm still struggling and aspiring, like you.
I'm a neatnik. Trained from childhood by a neatnik Mom. Saturday mornings were for housework, not for laying under the covers with a good book, which is what I always wanted to do. My Mom and I fought about that many times. As the oldest girl, I was expected to notice and care about the state of the house. I vowed to change that when I went out on my own. I didn't.
ReplyDeleteI remember once when my Dad was in the hospital in California undergoing heart surgery and I was in Oregon, unable to go to his bedside, I frantically cleaned the house, top to bottom. It soothed me, kept my nerves from blowing apart. Keeping things tidy became a metaphor for keeping life's messiness from driving me under. I think.
My art studio is messy, and I love it. Not so messy that I can't find most things and be productive, but definitely not tidy. It's an interesting upstairs (living space)/downstairs (art space) arrangement. It works for me. I think we need to find the balance that works for us.
Thank you for sharing your story, Linda.
ReplyDelete